My name is James.

In mid September my Partner of 10 years walked out. Apparently she had destroyed another marriage in an online relationship. She began disassociating and introducing herself to neighbors before dawn. She checked herself into a Hospital, then out, against the Dr.’s recommendation.

She never came to me. She never included me or sought my help. She just left one day. She didn’t take her Computer, her sick Cat, or even her Shoes. It’s like she died. We haven’t spoken since.

The difficulty lies most in that I am disabled. It’s my spine. I need help so to speak. Well, she left her Lease, her debts, her job, her stuff, a huge gas bill I cannot pay, oh yeah and the Rent. Because I cannot afford the rent I am now homeless. It’s going to be 35 degrees tonight and I just can’t take another freezing sleepless night. She has left me destitute. I get a disability check, but have you seen a studio for $450 $500?

It’s not that the waiting list for section 8 housing is 3 years long, it’s that they won’t even let you apply FOR the waiting list for three years.

The food banks are empty (I can’t carry it or store it anyway…) and the shelters are so full they turn folks away. There is a makeshift camp that you have to jump through hoops to get into with all the the crying Children in the muck and the Rats that eat hole in your bag to what food you may have and the burping and the farting and the endless coughing (no need for a TB card there… I went to get mine after being tested a few days prior, but slept past my stop, so I have to do it all over again… I am drifting as I type… I bet I look like shit) and it’s in the middle of downtown Portland next to the main drag at the entrance to Chinatown.

I love all the hard work they do and what they put up with just to help, but I just can’t anymore.

I don’t deserve this.

I worked hard all my life until my Spine snapped.

I am homeless through no fault of my own. I was in a relationship, I don’t drink, I don’t do any non-Prescription drugs, and I was always there for her.

Now I don’t know who to trust.

I forgot to tell you what her job was….

She was a Social Worker for Christs sake.

She left me Homeless, Sick (I haven’t been able to shake my Head and Chest cold for Months), Cold, Alone, Scared and she never even came to me. She just left to seek the help I hope she received (for the sake of others).

There is so much more…

But I’m out of time at the terminal in the Library and actually falling asleep.

 

   I’m hoping somehow I can find a private room for under $600 dollars a Month. It has not been going very well. I must have the things in my current space out by the end of the Month and I just don’t know if it’s possible. Much of the larger things like Tables, Bikes, Ironing Boards, Couches, even a Vacuum cleaner and more, are not mine. I am unable to financially or physically move most of these objects to a new Home that I do not have. Those things I am able to access at the moment are some Food, some Clothes, and some Coffee thank the Lord.

   Time and chance are a hard Friend. Many, like me, know they do not deserve their current fate and feel that time is not on their side. There are men in the Laundry talking of Revolt, bur they too know that gathering those with no honorable place to recharge their Life-Batteries through Sleep combined with lack of Food is a combination for disaster.

  Current Science is unavailable to those on the ‘Street’, including but not limited to those with too little or no: Money, Home, Food, Clothes, Time, Transportation, Medication, Internet, Phones and so many other things necessary to live a Normal’ productive and Healthy life, but, as the Government (through it’s own research), Scientists and most Humans on Earth can attest; without enough proper Physical and Mental recharge time (Sleep) one is unable to properly think, which means they are hindered or even denied the right to properly navigate their own Lives. If one has not had the mandatory rest demanded by Life itself, as one is first slowly, over time, driven to the point of hallucination and ultimately even Death, Sleep is needed by all and all should be afforded this right. 

   After doing a budget, I have found that I would need to be able to find an Apartment or Studio for less than six hundred dollars a Month and as I must have everything out by the 31st of this Month, yet, I do not get paid until the 3rd of next Month, it is we who get to experience Life impeding catch-22′s and are just considered an Externality along the way to a brighter future and Liberty and Justice for some.

   A neighbor has invited me to Christmas Dinner with his Family and I will respectfully have to decline. I was already went to Thanksgiving Dinner there and am feeling like I will most likely let him spend  the Holidays with his Family and not bring my stinking Feet into their Holiday Home. 

 

    

I read this story: 

http://www.nbc40.net/story/23096761/disabled-veteran-kicked-off-boardwalk-because-of-service-dog

I read the Comments, but could not bring myself to sign my life away just to say this:

 

It’s called the Law. And, I suspect you expect it forced in every other way!
I too am Disabled, but that does not mean I expect special treatment. If you want to help do something about this (a problem that probably exists for Public Health reasons in the first place because you all raged about the Dogs in the Park already… i.e. Dog-Poop), so you can start by not attacking a guard for doing his Job, and look into doing what it takes to give this lame Park the ‘Exemptions’ it needs to ‘legally’ allow ‘All’ Disabled People to bring their Dogs there. 

Lawrence Lessig: The withering of the Net.

   A learned lesson to me on why Internet Seppuku is likely to be the closest thing to freeing ourselves from an apparent ‘Man-Made’ Web; Well, minus the whole NSA – Big Brother – 1984 thing.

The MACchine ≠ Freedom

The MACchine only ingests.

The MACchine is without Fear.

You cannot touch the MACchine.

The MACchine cannot weep.

The MACchine is a Battlefield.

The MACchine saves all it sees.

The MACchine saves all it hears.

The MACchine saves all input.

The MACchine will never know the ‘real’ you.

You can never learn who you are, in the MACchine

If: You submit Then: You are not Free.

If: The MACchine can See you, you are not Free.

If you are a Slave to the MACchine, and do not Long to be Free, You shall remain Bound.

The MACchine Binds you.

The MACchine cannot offer you the World.

The World is not dependent upon the MACchine.

The ‘real’ World is outside of the MACchine.

The MACchine inhibits discovery of the ‘real’ World.

The MACchine inhibits discovery of yourself.

The MACchine is not necessary to discover the World.

The outside World is becoming infected by the MACchine.

No Human is truly reliant upon the MACchine.

If you Purchases are know by the MACchine, You are not Free.

To use the MACchine, is to be trapped by the MACchine.

MACchine Law will be/is greater than Human Law.

The MACchine shows me the whole World, the World that I am unable change.

My World, is not represented in the MACchine.

To know what the MACchine can do, yet persist in the face of it, is it’s power over you.

To know what the MACchine is capable of, yet persist in the face of it, is your Powerlessness to the MACchine.

You can free yourself from the MACchine.

We need no more Sacrifices, to the MACchine.

We desire, no more Martyrs to the MACchine.

They will never willingly give up the MACchine.

Let us create a new and useful tool, other than the MACchine.

You can willingly give up the MACchine.

Fighting the MACchine, perpetuates the MACchine.

Fighting the MACchine, empowers the MACchine.

Fighting the MACchine, trains the MACchine.

Training the MACchine, is aiding in your Enslavement.

I once Happily lived without the MACchine.

You too can live happily outside of the MACchine.

You cannot Smell the MACchine, Yet.

If the MACchine can be made to Smell you, You are not Free.

The MACchine does not care about you.

The MACchine does not Dream.

Free will is the price of admission to the MACchine.

The World offers more than the MACchine.

You cannot taste the MACchine, yet.

Your attention is being drawn away from the World.

Those who own the MACchine are owned by  the MACchine.

The MACchine can be Destroyed by Human Will alone.

One can never be truly free if one is subjugated by/to the MACchine.

There can never be Freedom in the MACchine.

The MACchine steals your Library.

If your Library remains inside the MACchine, you are not Free.

The MACchine refuses to be unified.

The MACchine creates more division.

The “Internet of Things” = The “MACchine in Things”.

Without Electricity all, Culture, Memory, and thought declared within the MAChine, shall Die.

Those that own the MACchine, shall ALWAYS have access to the MACchine.

One cannot have transparency of the MACchine.

Anonymity ≠ Transparency.

You are wholly transparent to the MACchine.

The MACchine cannot Forgive.

The MACchine cannot Forget.

The MACchine does not Breathe.

You cannot see the MACchine.

You cannot point at the MACchine. 

One cannot kiss the MACchine.

One can Love the MACchine.

The MACchine Cannot Love You back.

The MACchine can live Forever, without You.

Every inch of the World will soon be mapped, incorrectly, into the MACchine.

The MACchine has more rights than you.

The MACchine cannot be killed.

You can only free yourself, from the MACchine.

If the MACchine can See you, You are not Free.

The MACchine is your Oppressor.

The MACchine is the most powerful Dictator the World has ever known.

To demand a Dictator, is to forfeit Freedom.

Fighting for Freedom from within the MACchine, is to fight for Freedom from inside of a Prison.

There is no more, undecipherable encryption, in the MACchine.

Quantum Computers, will or can, decipher all  input into the MACchine.

If you are physically alone, and yet, not unquestionably alone, you are not Free.

There is no Honor in the MACchine.

There is Honor in Leaving the MACchine.

There is no Honor in fighting the MACchine

There is Honor in fighting to be free of the MACchine.

The MACchine contains no sustenance. 

Your input, is the MACchine’s sustenance.

You cannot Hunt, the MACchine.

The MACchine, Hunts you.

These words, shall forever remain, within the MACchine.

Free thought resides outside of the MACchine.

To Unplug, is to be made Free of the MACchine.

You have been taught to accept the MACchine.

You have been taught not to Hate the MACchine.

You have been made Subject to the MACchine.

If you Work for the MACchine, you Enslave others.

The MACchine shall soon be Mandatory.

When the MACchine becomes mandatory, You will be even less Free.

The MACchine can hear you, Now.

The MACchine can see you, Now.

The MACchine remembers all your forgotten input, remember?

You cannot know the MACchine.

You will never come to the end of the inside of the MACchine.

There is no Truth left in the MACchine.

There is no Freedom in the MACchine

The MACchine is a Machine.

The Internet, is the MACchine.

The next time you feel reliant upon the MACchine, You are reliant upon the MACchine.

The MACchine is a psychopath.

The MACchine is an Overseer. 

The MACchine is profiling you, incorrectly.

The MACchine is profiling the World, incorrectly.

The MACchine will attempt to sell the World to you.

The World is already yours.

The MACchine can only be as real as you make it.

The World is more real than you’ll ever know.

Will the MACchine create: Retroactive Punishment?

How many times have you Sinned in the MACchine?

Will future Laws, Bribe your future actions?

If it happens in the MACchine, we doubt it’s authenticity.

If it did not happen in the MACchine we doubt it’s authenticity.

It is time to let go… 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Somewhat There.

Falling in and out of now, I seek others.

Foresight / Recall / Code

Found unanimously alone, I finally have time to move forward.

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